Daring Actions
by IdrianWatzon
Summary: The war between Ed and the Colonel has lasted for many years and shall continue for many more.
1. Daring Actions

Author: IdrianWatzon – Disclaimer: IdrianWatzon does not own any characters she uses in this fanfic. Nor does she own the recipe.

**Daring Actions**

It was awkward. How could he ever expect to live up to this one? Roy had dared him, so he had to. At first, he had wanted to turn it down, but Edward Elric, the FullMetal Alchemist, could not do that. He would not tell his mortal enemy no to a dare. It would kill his reputation.

Especially when most people said it would be the easiest thing in the world to do. Ed just couldn't understand how people thought it was easy. It seemed like torture, just thinking about it. How could a fourteen-year-old kid as many referred to, do this horrible task? Ed sighed, turning to face the horror before him. The kitchen.

Yes, Ed was afraid of the kitchen. Why? Because he couldn't cook. When he had been training with Alphonse Elric, his brother, every ounce of food he had tried to cook had been burned before their very eyes. That was why Al was always forced to cook for the brothers. That was also the reason why the two had always eaten at Granny Pinako and Winry's house. It was pretty sad. Ed was, after all, already fourteen, and here he was, afraid to pick up a spatula, let alone bake a cheesecake.

Why did Roy even dare him to make cheesecake? Did the colonel want to prove the FullMetal Alchemist wasn't as good as most thought? Did the guy just want to say that Ed couldn't cook? Or did he just want some cheesecake?

It didn't seem fair. So, as Ed carefully peeled off his red coat and slung it on a chair, he silently planned revenge. Sadly, one of Roy's military coworkers, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, was sitting across the table, watching Ed. That meant that Ed couldn't poison Roy while he had the chance. Riza was just too dang harsh.

That sucked, too. How much glory Ed would have if he could poison the evil colonel? Did the guy even deserve to be Fuhrer? It seemed like a pointless task. Why did the current Fuhrer, have to hire Roy anyways? Ed would be so much happier if he was under the role of his teacher, Izumi... no, hold on a moment... Maybe Roy would be better than Izumi. Still, he hated Roy's guts.

"Edward, are you going to begin?" Riza asked from her spot at the table.

"Yeah, yeah, don't push me. I have to do things, uh, wisely! That's right, wisely." Ed stared back at the many shelves and glared, clearly confused as to where anything would be. How did Roy even know Ed couldn't cook? Did the colonel look into his personal files again? If so, blast that moron! Where was Al when you needed him? Of course, Al was out in the streets, looking for stray cats, leaving Ed alone. The moment the dare had been mentioned; Al had run off, not returning till late that night. This morning, he had been gone before Ed could provoke him.

Ed cracked the knuckles of his one hand, before pulling off his black jacket. Underneath was the usual black sleeveless shirt. His metal arm glinted with the rest of the cooking supplies. Ed just hoped he wouldn't fry the arm off.

Winry would murder him. Not only in physical pain, but in his cash too. That girl was evil sometimes. Ed shook his head, clearing his mind of the expenses it would cost for another replacement arm and Winry's "Death Wrench of Doom".

Yes, Ed had named it. But that was just because. Now, he had to concentrate on baking this cheesecake. Turning to Riza, he held out his auto mail right arm. She nodded in return, pulling out a slip of paper and placing it in the outstretched palm.

"There you go, Ed. The directions for making a cheesecake. Good luck, and try your best to kick the colonel's butt. He deserves to loose once in a while." Riza stated, before leaning back in her chair.

"Well, if you want me to kick his butt, why not help me? That's why you're here? Isn't it?" Ed pleaded, wishing he could pawn her into helping him.

"Nope, sorry Ed. I'm just here to make sure you don't poison the colonel and also to make sure you don't burn down the place." Riza said nonchalantly.

"Aw, c'mon." Ed begged. When she didn't answer, Ed huffed and turned back to the kitchen. Looking at the list, he sighed and began to pull out everything he needed.

Cheesecake

2-1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs (About 40 squares) 1/3 cup sugar; ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon; ½ cup butter _or _margarine, melted

Filling: 3 packages (8 ounces each) 1-1/2 cups sugar1 teaspoon vanilla extract; 4 eggs, separated

Topping: ½ cup sour cream; 2 tablespoons sugar; ½ teaspoon vanilla extract; ½ cup whipping cream, whipped (1 omit topping)

In a small bowl, combine the cracker crumbs, sugar and cinnamon; stir in butter. Press onto the bottom and 2 in. up the sides of a greased 9-in. spring form pan. Bake at 350 for five minutes. Cool on a wire rack. Reduce heat to 325. In a mixing bowl, beat cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla until smooth. Add egg yolks; beat on low just until combined. In a small mixing bowl, beat egg whites until soft peaks form; fold into cream cheese mixture. Pour over crust. Bake for 1 hour or until center is almost set. Cool on a wire rack for ten minutes. Carefully run a knife over the edge of pan to loosen; cool 1 hour longer. Refrigerate until completely cooled. Combine the sour cream, sugar, and vanilla; fold in whipped cream. Spread over cheesecake. Refrigerate overnight. Remove sides of pan. **Yield: **12 servings.

Ed held back any sign of vomit as he finished fishing out the ingredients. How could one thing have both sour cream, cream cheese, and cinnamon? It just didn't seem right. He was definitely not going to ever eat cheesecake in his life. Here he thought milk was bad.

"Good, Ed. Now that it has taken you nearly thirty minutes to find these supplies, are you going to start or continue staring at the paper?" Riza's voice cut into Ed's thinking. His head snapped up and he grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah," he started, "Sorry, I just don't like what's in cheesecake." Ed managed.

"I suppose that's why your face is pale?" Riza asked.

"Probably." Ed turned back to the paper and read the directions again. Grabbing the small bowl needed, he mixed the crumbs, sugar, and cinnamon into it. Stirring, he added the butter. Mixing all of the ingredients, he gulped back the vomit again.

How could Ed vomit at such a small thing? It was pathetic. Grabbing the spring form pan, Ed stopped stirring and set the pan down. For ten minutes, he searched for the 'grease' he needed, before Riza stood and showed him a can of spray called "Pam".

"Oh," Ed stated sheepishly. He took the spray and sprayed it at the spring form pan. Riza shouted out "No!" right as he started to spray. Sadly, he should have listened, for the spray didn't go onto the pan. It sprayed back at him and Riza, who had been standing over his shoulder, watching what he was doing.

Dropping the can, both he and Riza hopped around the room, trying to rub the greasing spray off of their faces and out of their eyes. Ed yelped when he tripped over the chair Riza had left out when she went to help him.

"ARGH!" he cried out, cursing loudly. Riza had stopped hopping around by now and had regained her sanity. Grabbing a small washcloth, she sprayed water on it and wiped her face clean. Taking out her gun from its hoister, she held it up in the air and shot it at the ceiling. Ed stopped cursing, standing abruptly and held his auto mail hand cross his forehead, military salute.

"Edward, calm down. I'll help you." Riza growled, replacing the gun in her holder and walking up to Ed, who whimpered and backed away. Riza could be totally strict sometimes. Especially when she had her gun. Ed felt sorry for her puppy, Black Hayate. He kind of felt a tinge of sorrow for Roy, but it didn't last. Riza handed Ed the cloth and sat down again.

"I am not going to help you again, Edward." She growled. Ed nodded in reply, whimpering. Quickly cleaning off his face, Ed went back to the pan and spray and carefully sprayed the spring pan, aiming directly for it this time.

When this was done, he set down the container and backed away from it. Taking the bowl of sugar, cinnamon, and cracker crumbs, Ed used a spoon to press it onto the bottom of the spring pan. Pushing it up the 2 inches on the sides, Ed looked at his work.

"I did it, amazing." Ed mumbled to himself. Riza didn't respond. Ed turned to the oven, staring at it. His eyes narrowed as he looked at the buttons and dials on the top of it. Switching one of the dials to 350, he checked the inside of the oven to make sure it was heating up. It was. The black bars were slowly turning red. Grabbing the spring pan, Ed was about to put it in when Riza growled.

"Ed, don't forget the gloves. You can't put that in without protection." Ed yipped and pulled his hands from the over. Setting the pan and crust down, Ed searched for the oven mitts Riza said he needed. Finding them in a drawer under one of the counters, Ed happily stuck them on his hands.

Taking the pan again, he pushed the crust for the cheesecake onto the bars that were almost red by now. Standing up and closing the door, Ed turned on the little timer he found by the sink for five minutes. Sitting back on another chair opposite Riza, Ed grinned at her.

"Well? How's that?"

"Ed, keep a watch on the crust. You don't want to burn it. If you do, Roy wins."

"But he's the one to eat it!" Ed whined.

"Edward, Roy specifically said that if you could bake a cheesecake without killing it, burning it, or plain poisoning it, you would win. Trust me, he believes you cannot do it."

"What if I can't? Why not help me, first lieutenant Hawkeye?" Ed begged.

"Sorry, Edward. Watch the crust, the times almost done."

"What? But I just sat down," Ed turned to face the timer. Glaring at it, the bell rang and he got up and pulled on the gloves. Opening the door, he pulled out the crust and set it on the counter. Shutting the door, Ed turned the oven to 325 and pulled off the oven mitts, grinning triumphantly.

"Hah! Beat that, you stupid oven!" Ed cheered, "I've mastered you! You will obey my every command and bake what I need!" Ed laughed evilly, holding his head up triumphantly. Riza shook her head in dismay as she shut her eyes. Ed stopped laughing and turned to the crust. Letting loose a loud sigh, Ed collapsed back into the chair.

"Man, baking cheesecake is hard. How long do I have to wait?"

"Look at the recipe, Edward. Ever thought of that? Besides, you should check if you should be doing something while you wait." Riza mumbled back.

"Oh," Ed picked up the recipe sheet and examined it. Grabbing the mixing bowl, Ed added the cream cheese, sugar and vanilla. Beating them, Ed continued on for a few minutes until they became smooth. Adding the egg yolks, Ed beat the eggs until they were combined enough.

Grinning happily, Ed pushed aside the first mixing bowl and grabbed a smaller one. He put the egg whites into it and beat them until the said peaks formed. Then he folded them into the cream cheese mixture, not getting half of what he was doing.

Turning back to the crust, Ed silently poured the combined mixture into the crust, and set it back down. Pulling on the oven mitts again, Ed picked up the pan and stuck it in the heated oven. Setting the timer to one hour, Ed pulled of the gloves and sat; satisfied he could rest an hour.

"You're not done yet, Edward. You still have to clean the used dishes and put them away." Riza stated.

"What?" Ed yelped.

"Just do it." Riza growled.

"Yes ma'am!" Ed saluted, before turning to the dishes and trying to figure out how to wash them. Gulping, he filled the sink with water, pouring dish soup in to help clean. Taking the bowls and items he had used, Ed started to clean, nearly forgetting to shut off the water as it started to overflow. Scrubbing, Ed cleaned at the dishes. Grabbing the soap bottle, he was about to put more in, when it slipped through his auto mail hand and fell to the floor.

The cap popped off and soap came gushing out. Ed quickly rushed to clean it up, grabbing a towel and drying the floor as best as he could. Standing, he set down the towel and finished cleaning the dishes. Drying his auto mail arm and real hand off, Ed made sure it didn't rust.

Then, drying the wet dishes, he picked up a pile and turned to put them away. Instead, he slipped on the leftover soap that he didn't manage to clean up. Falling back onto the floor, the dishes, including two glass bowls, went flying in the air, crashing around Ed and shattering. Riza shook her head.

"What will I do with those two? First I have to put up with Roy, now I'm stuck with Edward. Why me?" Riza stood from her seat and started to clean up the mess as Ed sat up, cursing the whole time.

"That sucked!" Ed growled.

"Just help me clean up," Riza glared.

"Yes, Lieutenant!" Ed hopped to his feet and picked up the chunks of glass. Putting them in a pile, he clapped his hands together and used his alchemy to fix them. He picked them up and finished helping Riza clean. When they were done and Ed had finished cleaning the dishes that didn't break, Ed sat down and waited. Just ten minutes later, the timer rang and Ed pulled out the pan. Setting it on a wire rack, he let it cool for ten minutes, before sticking it back in for another hour.

"Hey, First Lieutenant Hawkeye?" Ed asked.

"Yes, Edward?" Riza replied.

"Wanna play a game of cards?" Ed held up a stack of cards.

"Why not?" Riza and Ed sat across the table from each other. So not to see the others cards.

"Lets play poker. I'm pretty good at that." Riza suggested. Ed's hopes sank.

"Uh, why?" Ed provoked, not wanting to play.

"Roy always plays me, betting half his paycheck sometimes, and I kick his butt." Riza explained. Ed's face grew pale. "No cheating, though. Fair and square, or die." Riza ended. Ed grew even paler.

"Um, okay?" Ed gulped.

"Great, let's begin." Riza shuffled the cards, sending Ed lower into his chair at the way she did it. Ending, she separated the cards.

------

Ed fell to the ground, clean of his cash. All the money he had in his pocket was on the table in front of Riza.

"Okay, you win." Ed whimpered.

"Thank you." Riza smirked. Ed stood up slowly and sank into his chair. The timer ran off as he slumped his head against his chest. Standing weakly, Ed pulled on the oven mitts and took out the cheesecake. Setting it down, Ed read the directions and put the cheesecake into the refrigerator to sit for the rest of the day. He hoped he won. It wouldn't do justice for him to have to prance around the military base; wearing a frilly dress or whatever the hell Roy would make him do.

"Now what?" Ed asked lamely.

"You go home and come back tomorrow, give the cake to Roy, and see if you win or not." Riza explained in a bored fashion.

"Gottcha." Ed turned and grabbed his stuff, leaving the room in a flash, happy to be gone. It was a good thing he didn't carry much money with him when he was at the base, or he'd be dead broke before he knew it. Riza wiped him clean, all right. Ed trudged off, heading for the dorms. He needed to sleep. One last night of happiness needed to last.

------

"Well, FullMetal? Let's see it." Roy smirked, just waiting to see Ed loose.

"Here it is. A perfect cheesecake." Ed handed over the cake. "No poison or anything." Ed growled.

"Great. First Lieutenant Hawkeye? Be judge. It was your recipe, after all." Roy handed the cheesecake over to Riza.

Riza took out a spoon and took a bite of the cake. Ed gulped. He had not expected Hawkeye to be the tester. _Guess it was good I didn't poison it_. Ed thought.

"Well?" Roy asked.

"Wonderful. You did it great, Edward. Good job. You win." Riza muttered. Ed stood shocked a minute, before jumping for joy.

"Beat that, Mustang!" Ed cheered.

"Edward, hurry up and think of a punishment." Riza muttered.

"Yes!" Ed thought for a moment. Al stood behind him, terrified. What would his older brother think of?

"I got one!" Ed grinned mischievously.

"Yes, Edward?"

"Wear a girly, frilly dress and run around the base, dancing and singing the American Star Spangled Banner. Throw the rest of the cheesecake in your face." Ed ended, using part of the idea he had thought Roy would use on himself.

Roy looked horrified. "WHAT?" He cried.

"Do it, Colonel." Ed mumbled, ginning from ear to ear.

"Stupid, no good, sonuva...!" Roy was cut off as Riza hit him across the head with the hilt of her gun.

"Shut up, Colonel. FullMetal already knows enough language as it is. Don't provoke him. He's only fourteen." Riza growled. Roy sank back, holding his wounded head.

"Yes ma'am!" He stated, nearly scared out of his wits. She had a good aim with her gun, after all.

"Do it, Mustang!" Ed chanted. Roy glared at him. Ed sank back, nearly afraid. Then, he regained sanity and realized Roy couldn't do anything. Riza was here. She knew Roy had to do the dare before any death or violence arrived. Then, suddenly...

-WHAM!-

Ed fell forward. He jumped back up and glared at Riza. "What was that for?" He roared as Riza stashed her gun away in its hoister.

"Don't provoke the colonel." She ordered. Ed nodded, standing as straight as he was able. He saluted, before turning to Roy.

"Do it." he stated.

"Whatever." Roy borrowed a frilly, pink dress from somewhere (nobody dared ask the exact location) and dressed into it. He ran around the base, singing and hopping around oddly. Finally, when he was done, he threw a good portion of the cheesecake into his face. The other part when flying into Ed's face, and of course Ed had been laughing the whole time. Roy grinned at Ed. Once the laughing died down, Roy made one simple statement before walking back to his office.

"FullMetal, just wait. I'll think of a bet you're sure to loose." Ed gulped. But when he saw the pink dress again, he couldn't help but laugh.

------

Winry sat on the couch with Den laying at her feat. Oh, how she hoped Ed would mess up his auto mail again. Sure, it sucked whenever she was forced to do the auto mail over again from scratch when stupid, good-for-nothing Edward blew the auto mail up. But, whenever he did, she and granny would make a fortune. Oh, how she loved the wonderful money she would make off of those brothers.

Even if they were never there. Sure, they were her childhood friends and she cared for them dearly. In fact, she cared for them loads considering the money she got. But if they killed themselves, she'd have to murder someone. They were just too reckless. Too bad Ed hated cooking. If he destroyed his auto mail trying to bake something, they would be forced to come back.

How she wished she could see those two again and beat the crap out of them. What a laugh that would be. If only she could catch a train and go see them. Ed was bound to have grown half an inch in the past month. It wouldn't hurt to try. Besides, she heard Ed's mortal enemy, Roy mustang, was there. Maybe she could provoke the guy into betting Ed to do something.

Maybe she could just pummel Roy. That would be fun. Ed did just get her a new wrench for Christmas. It wouldn't hurt... her, at least. What a laugh that would be. Yes, Ed and Al, her she comes.

Winry stood from her spot and yelled to Pinako. "Granny! I'm gonna go visit the Elric's at Central. I'm leaving in three days!"

"Great! Don't forget to pawn off some more parts and tools. Those boys are rich!" Pinako shouted back.

"Don't worry!"

A/N- I did a mistake earlier. Ed isn't sixteen in this story, he's actually only fourteen. (takes place during the time between Ed's becoming a state alchemist and where the story begins.)


	2. Returning Fun

**Returning Fun**

Winry stepped off the train, grinning madly. Okay, so she had kept to her word and gotten on the train three days after she had made her decision. Not only was she at Central to torture the Elric's and pawn off some extra tools, but also she hoped to do something good to Ed and the colonel, Roy Mustang. Ooh, how evil her mind could be sometimes. Winry went to the cargo load and waited for her luggage to arrive. A barking cage was set down and Winry ran up to it, opening it and letting out her dog, Den.

"Hey, Den, how was the ride?" she smiled as she stroked the dogs fur. Taking a quick check on Den's auto mail leg, she stood and grabbed her luggage, Den grabbing a bag with his teeth. Laughing lightly, Winry strode out of Central station, Den trailing after her. She completely forgot about the cage Den had been in.

------

Ed yawned. He turned over on the bed, slitting his eyes open. Al lay on another bed opposite him with a blanket over his armor, not even getting close to covering him. The blanket Ed was using, the same length as Al's, reached over Ed's feet. In fact, it was almost too long. How he hated that. Yawning again, Ed sat up and stretched, his auto mail arm creaking slightly. It needed to be oiled. Especially after the little cooking ordeal he had gone through just a mere three days before. Ed called out Al's name.

"Hey, Al, wake up. Al? Hey, Alphonse?" the suit of armor moved, then sat up.

"Yeah, brother?" Al asked.

"Just wanted to make sure you're still in there. Never know when a homunculi will strike." Ed grinned.

"Sheesh, Ed. I could have predicted that." Al replied. He stood, the armor clanking as he did so. Ed also stood and stretched.

"What? It could happen." Ed mumbled. Al seemed to shrug.

"Come on, brother. Let's go." Al turned, opened the door, and stopped in his tracks. Ed stared at his brother strangely.

"Um, Al? What'cha doin?" he asked. Ed strode next to the armor and stared up at Al. Sure, it sucked that Al was about two, three feet, possibly even four, taller than Ed was.

"..." Al didn't answer. Ed stared down at where Al had his white-red orbs locked onto. A little black kitten stared back. Ed jumped back.

"Holy CRAP!" he cried. Ed shook his head and stared back at Al. "No, we don't have the means, Al." Ed stated.

"B-but, brother. It's all lonely. Can't we just..." Al was interrupted.

"No!" Ed warned. He turned to start to walk from the door. Al's body reached first and picked up the kitten.

"You're heartless, brother! I hate you!" Al raced off, the kitten bobbling dangerously in his hands.

"Oh, c'mon, Al! Think of the kitten! You're gonna shake its eyes out!" Ed shouted back.

"I am! You can't stop me, brother!" Al turned the corner and left. Ed stared after.

"O-kay... He'll get over in about three hours or so." Ed shrugged and walked down the hall his brother had just spazzed on. Military items hung all over the walls. Ed hated having to stay at headquarters. He'd have to see the colonel at least twice a week. Ed left the hall and walked down some stairs to the first floor. About to race out of the building, Ed ran right into Major Armstrong.

"Oh, crap." Ed muttered. The major towered over him, standing in a tall way, adding to his large frame.

"Oh, dear Edward Elric! What brings you down here so early in the day?" Armstrong asked in a loud, booming voice.

"Going for a walk... it's eleven thirty, major." Ed answered, wishing to get out of there.

"Not without a companion!"

"A what...?" Ed asked blandly.

"Ms. Winry Rockbell is here to see you!" Armstrong turned to show Winry and her bags. Den barked, dropped the bag he had been carrying, and jumped for Ed.

"CRAP!" Ed turned, took position, and high-tailed it out of there. Winry fumed behind, Den stopping in the 'dust' Ed had made in his getaway.

"Edward..." Winry growled.

"Fear not, Winry Rockbell, Edward is just in his hurry. He does that a lot whenever I see him." the major boomed, shiny purple stars glittering around his head. Winry sweat dropped.

"I can see why..." she turned towards the direction Ed had gone and glanced down at Den, "But, Ed is still dead! Go get him, DEN!" Den barked and ran after Ed, Winry nodding.

"Why chase him, Winry Rockbell?" Armstrong questioned.

"Because Den will bring him back." Winry grinned evilly.

"I understand." Armstrong nodded. "I must be off, Winry Rockbell. I am sorry to leave you, but I have duties." Armstrong stated.

"That's okay. I-I highly understand." Winry waited for him to leave, then sighed. "About time." She walked into the room Armstrong had given her and set her bags down. Opening the one Den had been carrying, she pulled out her trusty wrench.

"Time to hunt! Ed, here I come!" she laughed.

------

Ed slowed to a stop after about two blocks and wiped his forehead. He not only ran into Armstrong, but Winry too? Now what? Sure, Winry was nice and all, maybe even slightly cute, but she had the temper of a raging boar. He didn't like getting on her bad side. Den was here too, so Winry had help. She probably wanted to pawn off more money. It was just... her. Ed gulped. She was at the base, he'd see her again. She'd kill him for running, literally. Definitely not a pretty sight, or thought.

That was when a panting sound was heard. Following it was a bark. Ed stood straight. He poked his head around the corner. Den sat there, tail wagging, leading Winry RIGHT TO **HIM!** ED! RIGHT **TO ED! **Not good. Ed was about to run, but a wrench collided sickeningly with his skull. He fell backwards and landed on the hard pavement. Winry's voice rang in the background.

"Yes! Right on target! Oh yeah! How's that ED? Den, we sure showed him!" she chanted. Ed finally sat up and picked up the wrench. He stood, swaying slightly, and glared at Winry.

"What was that for?" he demanded.

"You ran," Winry replied, grabbing the wrench from Ed's hands and holding it.

"I was running from the major. You know how he is." Ed protested.

"Sure. You were talking to him before you even noticed me." Winry had a large point. Ed hid his worry.

"Well, Den has the tendency to jump on me. I really don't like that."

"Sure..." As if to prove his point, Den jumped on Ed and he went crashing back to the ground. Den's pink tongue swiped across his face and Ed sputtered, trying to get the dog off of him. Winry giggled, then realized Ed was telling the truth.

"Told you!" Ed managed over the dog's tongue. Winry sighed.

"Fine, you win, Ed. But only for today." She called Den off of Ed. Ed sat up and wiped his slobbery face. Winry grinned.

"So, where's Al?" she asked.

"Out protecting cats and animal rights, no doubt." Ed stated. Winry nodded.

"That's Al for you. He's a huge suit of armor on the outside, but a big soft lump on the inside." Winry laughed.

"What do you want?" Ed asked lamely.

"Ugh, what a way to treat a lady!" Winry exclaimed. Ed snorted.

"Trust me, you're nowhere near being a lady."

"What was that, Ed?" Winry held up the wrench, an evil glint in her blue eyes. Ed shrunk back.

"I-I just meant, um... what are you here for, Winry?" Ed managed.

"I came to check up on you guys. See how tall you've gotten, which isn't much..."

"Who're you calling a shorty short shrimp who can't stand above his own shoe? Who're you calling a lousy little pipsqueak?" Ed roared.

"Shut up, or fear the wrench." Winry growled. Ed shut up.

"Why else are you here?" Ed demanded.

"Like I said. See you guys. Maybe grab some new items, check on other clients, rip more money off of you, make you buy me new parts, that sort of thing." Winry shrugged.

"What...?" Ed steamed.

"You heard me." Winry smirked. Ed glared back.

"I'm not going to allow you to get more items!" Ed stated. Winry held up her wrench.

"Parts, or die..." she ordered. Ed shrunk.

"Yes, ma'am." he cowered.

"Good boy, Ed!" Winry patted Ed on the head.

"Hey! I'm not a dog!" Ed protested.

"I know. But Den doesn't." Winry snickered as Ed ran ten feet away from Den. The dog was good and loyal, but a pest all the same. Winry walked up to Ed and grabbed his arm.

"Come on, let's go. I have to check on your auto mail." she stated cheerfully.

"And then what?" Ed asked.

"We go shopping!" Ed groaned. Winry was prone to act the complete opposite of regular, normal, squealing woman. She would fantasize over a new auto mail part or wrench, while another, more common woman, minus Riza Hawkeye, would want a ring or necklace. Not to mention auto mail cost more, so Ed was nearly broke whenever Winry came.

------

"Okay, Ed. It looks like you haven't gotten any taller than the last time." Winry exclaimed. Ed groaned.

"Great, just what I needed to know." He rolled his eyes.

"Oh, be happy! Now granny and I can't charge you. Your auto mail arm isn't that messed up either. But I will take a guess. Have you been cooking?" Ed blushed.

"NO!" he protested.

"Ah, so that means yes. I can tell because there are small, very small, scorch marks. You started off without using an oven mitt, didn't you?" Winry stabbed Ed in the shoulder with her finger.

"Ah, I, uh... guess..." Ed hmphed.

"I see. Why? I've never known you as one to cook. Don't you always burn everything?" Winry asked.

"NO! I mean, yeah. But Mustang dared me. I won too, by the way."

"Really? I'll have to say, I'm amazed. What did you make him do?" Winry questioned.

"Wear a pink frilly dress, throw the cheesecake I had to make in his face, and sing the American 'Star Spangled Banner' in front of the whole military base. I haven't seen him since." Ed grinned wickedly.

"Oh, geez, Ed. So predictable." Winry sighed, standing. "Looks like I can't get more cash off of you. You have no real damage." she groaned. Ed smirked.

"Beat that!" he cried.

"Yup, guess I have to. Let's go shopping now." Winry grabbed her wrench and pulled Ed out the military entrance. Ed reluctantly followed, Den behind them.

------

Halfway to the market, Ed, Winry, and Den ran into Alphonse. Al was sitting in the middle of a lawn of green grass, holding four kittens.

"Oh, hi, Al!" Winry greeted.

"Winry!" Al stood. He bowed, "Nice to see you again. What are you doing here?"

"Just the usual. Why so many cats?" Winry glanced at the purring animals.

"I'm taking care of them. Brother won't let me keep them," Al looked down.

"Oh, that's okay, Al. I'm sure Ed has a very good reason why." Winry glared at Ed.

"Yeah! We travel so much, we don't have time to take care of a cat." Ed added, looking at Winry nervously. Winry only suppressed a cackle. Yes, a cackle. Who knew she could be so evil... wait, Ed did.

"Well, we're off, Al!" Winry grabbed Ed's arm and pulled him off. Ed pleaded for Al to help, but Al only laughed and went back to the kittens.

------

When Ed, Winry, and Den arrived at the market area, Ed was groaning and checking his wallet, wishing that he hadn't filled his pockets since his big loss against Riza in poker. How humiliating. Especially since this was the FullMetal Alchemist, afraid of his own mechanic, who happens to be a girl. Pathetic. Ed was reluctantly dragged into a parts store. Winry, stars in her eyes, jumped around, picking up every little item. She grabbed a wrench there, a few nuts and bolts here, and an auto mail leg.

"Ooh!" Winry cried in one store when she spotted a "brand new, hand carved, beautifully crafted, hammer!" as she later stated.

"Eeeeeeh! Ed, you have to buy me this. It's perfect!" Winry stared at the wrench in its glass case. Ed gulped, nodding rather sadly. Den barked from outside of the door.

_Great, now she has another tool to hit me with. _He thought while paying the clerk. After a sad many, many hours, Ed was dragged from another store. He was holding bags upon bags, all filled with tools, making them extra heavy. Den had taken a bag in his mouth, making Ed's load less heavy. Winry turned to Ed.

"Well! I'm done. Let's eat!" She pulled him towards a nice place. Ed steered her in the opposite direction.

"Why not settle for something else." he suggested. Winry nodded. They stopped at a quick stand on the way to the base and grabbed some food. Ed then sadly picked up the bags and began towards the base. Winry and Den following after. After Ed had set down the bags in Winry's room, he glared. Now, he had no money with him, again. What was it with girls and money? First Riza, now Winry. Was it just him?

"Thanks, Ed." Winry grinned at Ed. Was it just him, or did Winry look especially evil? Ed shrugged. Winry, with a quick grab at her wrench, held it in her hand. "Well, I guess you'll be going now, right?" she asked. Ed nodded and walked from the room. Winry shut it, rather loudly, behind him and smirked at the items. Her eyes glinted evilly.

"Well, granny, looks like I've got more supplies. Ed and Al are so easy to pawn off." she cackled again. Den barked beside her and she scratched his ear. What a good day. Maybe she would be able to find something better tomorrow, like get Ed and Roy to do a dare. First, she'd have to talk to Riza Hawkeye. She knew Roy well enough for the both to think up something evil.

--------

Ed sighed as he walked down the hall. Sure, he was highly rich, but man, did Winry know how to use up money or what? Ed sighed again and turned the corner. That was when he heard his name.

"Hey! Ed! Wait up!" Ed turned to see Lieutenant Colonel Hughes running up to him (A/N Okay, this happens before Hughes dies. I loved him, so he takes place in my story.)

"Hey, Hughes." Ed greeted droopily.

"Perk up, Ed! I have new pictures!" Hughes pulled out a stack of pictures and held them out in front of Ed.

"Ugh, same as ever, lieutenant. Insane." Ed groaned. (A/N Also, In the Anime, Hughes is the major. He doesn't become lieutenant colonel until later on. In the manga, he's Lieutenant colonel to begin with. Please don't hurt me. I'm just doing this bit off of the manga. I love both versions.)

"Isn't she the darndest thing? I think this picture of her in her new dress is absolutely ADORABLE!" Hughes continued. He held up a new picture. "Isn't Elysia the cutest? Gracia picked that summer dress just yesterday and I had to take pictures. Isn't my wife just the best!" Hughes pulled out more photos.

"Lieutenant, I can see that. I have to go now, so..." Ed was cut off by another sprout of rants.

"She's ADORABLE! Gracia and I took Elysia to the beach _just_ last week. She found a little sand dollar and has kept it _ever_ since. See, that's her with it. Isn't she just perfect. Gracia even baked a little treat! My wife is just the _best _at cooking. Don't you think so, Ed?" Hughes stopped.

"Uh, yeah, Mrs. Hughes is great." Ed stated.

"I KNOW! SHE'S **WONDERFUL!**" Hughes placed the pictures back in his pocket and pulled out another wad of them. "Look at this one! It's of them at the store. Aren't they just the darndest! If I don't say so myself, I'll tell you that they are PERFECT!" Hughes laughed. Ed nodded.

"Look, lieutenant, I really have to..." Ed was cut off as Riza walked down the hall.

"Hello, Edward, Lieutenant colonel Hughes." she greeted, stopping in front of them.

"Oh, RIZA! Ooh, you just HAVE to come over. Gracia would love to see you. She'd like to talk to you too." Hughes showed Riza some pictures. "Aren't they WONDERFUL?" He questioned.

"Edward, you can go if you need to." Riza stated, nodding towards him. Ed didn't budge. He'd never really seen Riza talk with Mrs. Hughes before.

"Oh, Riza, I also want to say one more thing." Hughes put his pictures away.

"Yes, lieutenant colonel Hughes?" Riza stared at him, waiting.

"I always tell Roy this, but he always hangs up on me. I don't know why, but I'll make one crucial suggestion to you before I am off." Hughes grinned. "I suggest that you find yourself a good man, first lieutenant. Crucial time, crucial times." Hughes walked off. Riza's eye twitched. Ed stared, Riza never got annoyed without pulling out her gun.

"Um, first lieutenant..." he was cut off.

"That stupid man. He's just as bad as the colonel." Riza growled under her breath. Ed nodded.

"You got that right!" he pronounced. Then he slowed down. "Hughes always tells Mustang to find himself a man? I didn't think he was..."

"No, Edward. The colonel is like _that_." she added emphasis to the word, "Hughes always tells the colonel to find himself a wife. Get your facts straight, Edward."

"Yes, ma'am." Ed saluted. He turned and raced for his room. Hawkeye didn't remark. She stood still.

"Stupid man." she growled under her breath and resisted the urge to pull out her gun.

------

Ed raced into his room and slammed the door shut. By now, it was late. Al stared at Ed.

"What's wrong, brother?" he asked.

"Nothing. I just spent a load of money, though. Don't expect anything fancy for a while." Ed groaned, shedding his red coat. He sat on the bed and kicked off his shoes.

"I bet. Why do you look scared? Did you make Winry mad again?" Al asked.

"No! I ran into the lieutenant colonel on my way here." Ed answered.

"Oh. Hughes. How long did you last?"

"Riza came and saved me, then got tortured herself." Ed lay back on the bed and turned over.

"Ed?"

"Night." Al sighed and flicked of the light. He lay back too and fell asleep.

------

Roy looked up as Riza entered the room. She stood in front of him, stiff. He knew her to be very dedicated to her work, but this was different.

"Um, first lieutenant?" he asked.

"Yes, colonel?" Riza answered, almost in a robotic tone. She was mad, Roy could tell. At least she wasn't using him as target practice. She'd done that before, and he had gotten his ass kicked. But let's not mention that now, shall we?

"Nothing." Roy looked back at his work. The phone beside him rang. Roy reached for it.

"I suggest you be careful at who might be calling." Riza stated. Roy glanced at her.

"Why's that?" He questioned.

"It could be the lieutenant colonel." she replied. Roy hesitated for a second, then answered. If it was Hughes, and he didn't answer, the guy would probably come over to bother him. That was much worse than talking over the phone, where he could hang up. But, then again, if Hughes came here, Roy could flame him. But, that wouldn't be able to happen. He'd probably loose his job, or worse.

"This is colonel Roy Mustang speaking." Roy spoke.

"Hey, Roy! How're ya?" Hughes voice rang.

"I'm fine, Hughes. I just saw you an hour ago." Roy muttered.

"But I still have to make a crucial, crucial suggestion. I mentioned it to Riza earlier and thought, maybe you two should get hitched. She needs a husband and you need a good, strong wife! How about-----" Hughes voice was cut off as Roy slammed the phone onto the hook. Riza sighed.

"Calm down, colonel. I'm sure it wasn't _that_ bad." Riza said.

"He told me to get hitched." Roy growled.

"Like I said, not that bad. He does that all the time. He told me later today." That explained why she seemed mad.

"He told me to get hitched with you." Roy ended.

"It's not that bad... WHAT?" Riza cried.

"Oh sure, not that bad." Roy grumbled. Riza drew out her gun. Roy stood straight quickly.

"I'll kill em." Riza growled. She then sighed and put her gun back. Roy relaxed. He sat back down and glanced at his papers. He glanced up and turned slightly pink. Riza turned away. "I'll be off, then." she said briskly and left. Roy slumped against his chair and took a deep breath.

"Damn." he stated. "Moron Hughes."


End file.
